There’s a new trend in dating I learned about recently called the “chalant” relationship. I was curious what chalant meant, because it could be anything. Today’s slang is so impenetrable, which I realize is what all old people say. However, it turns out this isn’t that weird. It simply means the opposite of nonchalant.

As I was learning about chalant relationships, I also learned that nonchalant relationships were the thing. It was or is uncool to get too excited about your boyfriend or girlfriend. The article I read actually said sometimes folks in nonchalant relationships would go out on a date and then ignore each other, like they couldn’t be bothered to pay attention to each other. Old people always think the young are crazy, but this is crazy, right?

Thankfully there’s a growing backlash against the nonchalant relationship, which is the chalant relationship trend. It’s the old fashioned idea that we want to be cared for, noticed, and attended to in a relationship and we want to do the same for the other.

Just reading about this nonchalant relationship trend made me uneasy, like this may actually lead to the end of the human species, because nonchalance is not how we thrive. So, to hear that some folks have decided they are not going to do that anymore is good news. We indeed deserve to have the ones closest to us actually be chalant about us.

In the gospel text, Jesus is basically talking about being chalant with each other. We are to be the opposite of nonchalant, because whoever welcomes you, welcomes Christ and the God of the Universe into their lives. The same is true the other way around. And it’s not just about inviting in the important and impressive people in impressive ways. It’s about inviting in everyone, including the little ones, the vulnerable ones with even the simplest of gift of cool water. Noticing each other, noticing needs and meeting them matters. Chalance matters. It is something big and important in our lives.

Now, this nonchalant dating trend doesn’t come from nowhere. It’s really a natural extension of social trends that have been happening over decades in the US and around the world. People don’t join groups like the Lions as much as they used to. We don’t have neighborhood BBQs or even invite each other over for dinner the way we used to. The number of close friends people report having outside of their immediate family has plummeted. We feel increasingly lonely, isolated, and sometimes even unempowered. Our society has a growing tendency to treat each other nonchalantly and it is profoundly not good for us. This is true on a personal level, but isolation, distrust, and polarization takes groups of folks down some dark roads, as well.   

Chalance, as opposed to nonchalance, doesn’t have to be bold to be powerful. Just last week, at the end of service, Dee was wearing the most beautiful wrap and she said that Dorla offered it to her to wear during the service because Dorla saw that she was cold. Simple thing, but Dee mentioned this was really meaningful to her. This is chalance. It’s an act of attending to one other and in our gospel we hear that Christ is there even in an offered cup of cool water to the one who needs it. It doesn’t take much necessarily, but it does take attending and caring. It takes chalance to love, right?

I love this new word the whippersnappers have come up with because it names a real need that we all have. Apparently, what’s been happening to the Lion’s Clubs, for example, is also happening in personal relationships. So, I’m so grateful there’s a push back against this, because humans do not thrive in a world of nonchalance. We thrive in communities of chalance.

This isn’t simply because our needs and wants are seen and met in communities of chalance, but also because it is deeply satisfying to see and meet needs. It is satisfying to our souls to be attending and loving. And I’m sure this is true for many reasons we could name, but in our gospel today, we are told that the one who welcomes the disciples, welcomes Christ, welcomes the goodness of God expressed in this world into their life, their home, their world.

We all know how good it feels when we feel connected to another human, even if its brief or fleeting. We are made for chalance with one another and with God. Yet somehow, we have systems in our lives that would rather us stay isolated. Afterall, Netflix doesn’t make money if you’re over at a friend’s house for dinner. UberEats doesn’t make money if you decide to go out into the world for your dinner yourself. AI companies don’t make money if you talk to human friends instead of the online pseudo companions.

So, I’m wondering how we might turn up the volume on our care of one another? I hope you have ideas bubbling, but here’s one for Celebration.  I’ve been playing with the idea of creating a “Love Team” at church that would operate with guerrilla tactics, meaning chalance could be shared opportunistically and in surprising ways which may actually include old ways. For example, some members of our church became members because someone came by their house with homemade cookies. In our modern era, we wouldn’t do that because no one does stuff like that anymore, but why not? I get the hesitation, but I also wonder if we’re all a little caught up in nonchalant living, like the kids were caught up in nonchalant dating. Another person told me they joined the church (ours or another, I can’t remember) because someone invited them to their house for a meal after they came for a visit. This is another thing we hardly do anymore, including me. Why not? No good reason in my case. The 50 balloons on my 50^th birthday was such a great example of a guerrilla love tactic. I wonder what else could we dream up?

The world is so full of heavy news. We all have reasons to distrust people who are different than us in beliefs and backgrounds. And surely, where we see evil and harm, we need to call these things out. However, outrage about the lack of liberating love in the world without amplifying love is a draining path. Perhaps that’s why most of the prophets in the Bible, like Jeremiah, end with messages of hope, love, and inclusion. The prophets may rage about how bad the people are for quite a while, but almost every one of them ends in love.

Our culture is 100% on board with our anger, particularly if it’s on social media because someone is making money on us being outraged alone. Our culture seems to want to make us nonchalant about each other’s wellbeing. Maybe even casual about our own wellbeing.

So, I’m wondering if there’s anyone who would like to participate in guerrilla action in our church, finding opportunistic moments, simple actions, or surprising avenues for chalance, our care for one another. What if we gathered periodically at someone’s home, which could be mine of course, and we dream up little ways to have fun and love people? What if we have a directory list handy to make sure everyone is included at one point or another, even the quiet ones who never quite make it into the Fellowship Hall?

So many of y’all are seriously loving. You likely practice chalance every day of your life. If your life is so full of chalance already, do not feel obligated to sign up for the Celebration Guerrilla Chalance Team. (The name is a work in progress) However, I’m guessing there’s a few of us who could use a little more Christ walking into our lives. We could use a little more fun. So, the invitation is to engage in more chalance in our lives! And maybe we could do some of that chalancing here, together! (I am seriously loving this new word!)

Jesus is pretty plain when he tells us that if we want to encounter him, if we want to encounter love, we need to serve and love others. There’s a lot of ways to do that, of course, and the world needs a lot of love. There’s no end to the opportunity to do that. However, we can also practice close to home, practicing chalance in order to weave an even stronger social fabric that is strong and durable for the days to come which is ultimately for the sake of all people.

AMEN