At the beginning of my 6^th grade year, my mom and stepdad moved to Bellevue, Washington from Spokane. This was a big move. I was starting middle school with not one friend and I was a desperately shy kid. I felt like a very little fish in a big, threatening pond.

Before the start of school, I went back-to-school shopping like everyone else and I got these adorable tan and navy blue saddle shoes. I knew they were a fashion risk, so I didn’t wear them right away. But one day, I did and here’s what happened. I walked into the crowded cafeteria at lunch and from across the room another girl in my class stopped in her tracks, pointed at my shoes and screamed, “Oh my God, she has the same shoes as Mr. Eslinger.” Everyone stopped and looked at my shoes, in not a good way. Mr. Eslinger was the most hated, dorky teacher in school. So, this was not good. I made it through the day somehow and later that night I had to explain to my mom why I would never wear those shoes again.

I remember my mom trying to bolster my courage. She said, “What do you want to be? A follower or a leader?” In all sincerity I said, “A follower.” I 100% did. I knew I should want to be a leader, but I didn’t. I only wanted to just fit in.

Thankfully life gets better after middle school. However, we can still be plagued by similar questions. How much are we willing to rock the boat when there’s pressure not to? How much change will we risk in our own lives for the sake of causes that are likely a lot more meaningful than the cuteness of saddle shoes?

What do we do when we feel the calling of the Holy Spirit in our lives while also feeling our little selves, saying, “No way am I going to that.”

Today’s gospel harkens back to the story of Exodus when Moses is called by God to go back to Egypt to free the Israelites from slavery. Moses, like Jesus, should have been killed as an infant due to the cowardice of a tyrant. Moses, like Jesus, was called by God to lead people into a new freedom and a new covenant and relationship with God. God wants freedom for us and for all people. Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection is the new Exodus for all people to escape the many ways we are trapped by entering into new life in Christ.

This is good news for all of us. It was even good news for Herod, but he did not see it that way. He was not thinking the birth of Jesus good news, even though God’s good news for one is good news for all. God’s gifts are not a zero-sum game where some must lose for the sake of others winning.

Liberation for the victims of the tyrant is also liberation for the tyrant. However, both he and Pharaoh were terrified. Their liberation would have come at the cost of radical change in their worlds and a crumbling of all they thought was important. They were so afraid of the threat to their status quo, they both ordered the murder of children, just as humans have done in war since the beginning of war. But God’s liberation of Herod wasn’t war, even if he thought it was. Herod seemed to be fighting for his life. He was fighting against God’s liberation that was for him, too.

So, what is it about God’s liberation that is so terrifying?

My shoe story is a small story, but it points to something that people do. We will often do what’s needed to be “successful” and feel safe in whatever environment we’re in, whether or not our actions are totally in alignment with God’s way for us. In middle school, that might mean making sure you have the right shoes, whether or not you actually liked the “dorky” ones in the closet. When you’re Herod or Pharaoh, it might mean allowing absolutely no challenge to your power, regardless of the cost of human life.

When you’re a normal person, what does this look like? Do we do the same thing? Do we get terrified by God’s liberating action in our lives? Do we resist and put up a fight? I would say that we do, in big and small ways. Humans have a very hard time giving up on war, for example. We have a very hard time stopping pollution, human trafficking, or violence against women and children. These are all big things that God’s invitation is there for us to truly enter into transformative change.

However, we also struggle in the small things. It is New Year’s Day, after all, so let’s talk about the small things. This is a day many folks step back, assess how we’re doing in different aspects of our lives, and set goals and promises about how we’re going to change. Gym memberships and fad diets always skyrocket during January, right? However, these promises and changes that we are so sure about or maybe even excited about often don’t last. Our old habits settle back in and life takes over again.

I wonder if sometimes there isn’t something more than just inertia going on. Are there ways God is calling us individually into greater liberation? Are there ways our families or communities are being called into liberation by Christ? Do you feel this call to change, to do something, or to get involved on a deeper level? What is that call of liberation you hear?

I hope you take this as a real question, because I’m convinced that Christ is calling you into liberation, as well as the world. And when you think about that call, however you define or feel it, isn’t it at least a little bit terrifying?

For people in addiction, getting clean is terrifying. Getting clean is good and is practically the definition of liberation. And it’s terrifying. Often, we don’t want to do what God is calling us into, because it might just change everything. We might be thinking, “The apple cart is just fine the way it is.” But it’s not. God is always calling us into liberation because God loves us. And we need the call because we’re human.

The Prodigal Son would have been terrified to go home. The Good Samaritan would rightly have been pretty nervous about doing God’s work of loving the beaten man on the side of the road and leaving an open tab for his care.

But in these stories, we also feel the release of being called out of our isolation and out of our own smallness. We are called into God’s story of love for all people.

How can that not be terrifying, even if we don’t have empires to defend like Herod? We have our worlds, our apple carts, our mini empires that God may not care about maintaining if the disruption of our structures means liberation for ourselves and all people.

So, this New Year’s Day is perhaps the perfect day to ask each other, “How is God calling for your liberation? How is it scary?” And, if you are planning on some New Year’s resolutions, try asking yourself similar questions. Is God’s call for your liberation a part of your resolutions? Might it be scary to be actually successful in these goals? Does it feel scary to even try?

More questions to ask yourself. How can we as a church support you in God’s call on your life? In your goals? As a gathering of Christians and lovers of God, we are here in support of all you might be dreaming up with God.

It’s scary to follow God’s call. We’re here to journey with you in the face that fear. I mean that.

Now, I wouldn’t say that God called me to wear saddle shoes in the 6^th grade to a new school. But I do wonder about my courage had I had a group of friends at that point who loved me and perhaps boldly could have supported my saddle shoe choices. I also wonder what would have happened if I had prayed for the courage to express myself, even in shoes. I don’t know.

But I’m pretty sure traveling through life with a community who loves us and talking to God about what’s best can make these moments of fear and resistance into moments of adventure, love, and becoming more fully ourselves in Christ. That’s what God is up to and that is what your church is for; loving you into liberation.

AMEN