Do you remember the Princess Bride movie? That movies has so many classic scenes and lines. For those who haven’t seen it or don’t remember, it is a very sweet and romantic movie. One of the most memorable parts of the movie is the beginning sequence with our hero Wesley being bossed around by Buttercup as she calls him Farm Boy. And all he ever says is “As you wish,” as he’s doing her bidding with love and adoration in his eyes. She eventually figures out that his simple statement and how he gave of himself was a profession of love for her. It’s very sweet.

 

What he actually does for her, like reaching a jug for her, isn’t what is so romantic or sweet. What matters is how he grabs the jug and why he does it the way he does it.

 

A similar thing is true about flowers. Flowers themselves are nice, but how and why you give flowers matters probably more than the flowers. It is, in fact, possible to give flowers and have the gift actually make your person feel worse. If, for example, you give flowers because you know you should, but you are resentful about it … just maybe that reality will find its way into how the gift is given.

 

Maybe day-old, discount flowers from 7-11 shoved into somebody’s hands with a grunt communicates something different than what Wesley was expressing in the Princess Bride.

 

Sometimes our relationships suffer when we only meet the basic expectation, whether that’s flowers or doing chores. Let’s say our partner expects flowers. Flowers are good things, but likely what they are really looking for, what all humans are really looking for, is love, respect, compassion, and connection. It is possible to give flowers and still miss the mark of what the true gift could be and what was actually needed and wanted beyond the flowers.

 

We can give flowers and communicate disregard at the same time. We can give nothing of any material value, and communicate an ocean of care and affection, like Wesley in the Princess Bride.  

 

In order to love each other well, we need to show up and engage with others in ways that communicate our care more than anything else. It’s not the “what” of the gift that matters as much as the “how” or the “why.”

 

This is the theme I see running through our readings today. We are being invited to consider the “how” and the “why” of relationship, commandments, and the rest more than the “what.” This is about how we are in relationship with God and each other. It is about the “why” behind our motivations to do certain things, including how we follow the 10 Commandments.

 

It is easy and tempting to focus on the “what” of the 10 Commandments, but like our loved ones in our lives, God might also appreciate us being focused on the “how” and the “why” of following these commandments. When we simply focus on meeting the specific requirements, we miss the joy of relationship that is possible when we are focused on the “how” and the “why” of all that we do. And it turns our relationship into God into something that is transactional, more than a loving embrace.

 

For example, there is a way to follow the 10 commandments, as best you can, with an open, loving heart towards God.  There’s also a way to follow the 10 commandments, as best you can, but with a perfectionistic, condemning heart OR a resentful heart OR a fearful heart. One of these ways feels good, liberating, and life-giving. The other ways are stressful.

 

Our temptation is to be focused on the “whats” and getting legalistic about doing “all the things” right over focusing on how and why we might do the same action. When we’re focusing on the how and the why of our giving, then our love is much more likely to be communicated. Our gifts come imbued with meaning no matter what we do. However, we can ask, is that meaning love and respect or is it something else?

 

The same hold true for participating in household chores. How we do it and why we do it is more important than the actual job being done…imho. (When it comes to our youth, check with your parents. They may feel differently about that!) But for the most part, your care, partnership, and commitment is more important than the dishwasher being empty, but you can communicate your care, partnership, and commitment by emptying the dishwasher. Then that dishwasher being empty is more than just empty, it’s a hug and a kiss as well when it’d done in a spirit of loving giving for your family.  

 

So, with what spirit are we giving our time? Do we give with love and delight? Do we give out of a desire to love our partner well or ourselves well? Or family members, friends, fellow congregants, or community members? Or do we give from a sense of obligation? Or both?

 

God is asking the same of us as our family members might, that we give with loving hearts. We can give God the gift of following the 10 Commandments to God out of a sense of obligation or fear. Or we can do the same as an outpouring of our loving and trusting relationship with God.

 

For example, the 3^rd commandment is to keep the Sabbath. We can keep the Sabbath in a way that feels good in our lives, because we know and trust that God does not need our nonstop hustle to prove our worth. Similarly, because we trust God to care for us, we do not need to steal, cheat, or kill. Because we so trust God, we can support the wellbeing of our neighbors without fearing our own lack. Because we know that we are beloved by God as we are, we can release our jealousies.

 

We don’t need to muscle our way into doing these things or berate ourselves when we fall short of the commandments. Since we can approach them as being the outpouring of our relationship with God, when we do fall short, we can respond to ourselves and others with kindness and compassion. We can wonder about what kind of hurt or fear that the not-great behavior came from. We can pray for God’s presence, for our faith to grow, for forgiveness, but also for the comfort of the fears that took us over.

 

The same is true in the gospel today. Jesus isn’t saying the ancient Jewish practice of sacrifice is bad. But the way it was being done…turning God’s temple into a marketplace…was the problem. The requirement  for people to have adequate money to participate in worship was the problem.

 

God is not unlike the one in your life who is unhappy with the flowers you got them. Yes, the simple expectation of doing the right thing may be getting met. But if that “right thing” comes without an expression of care, partnership, and desire for connection, then it feels like an empty gesture.

 

Again, the teaching of Paul in the letter to the Corinthians speaks to the same distinction. He questions the wisdom of the world as being a dead-end path for us to follow. The wisdom of the world, perhaps you’ve noticed, is a lot about getting things right in life. Getting the right stuff, the right education, the right friends and family, the right job, the right…whatever. That’s certainly the wisdom of our world.

 

Jesus is saying no to this. Even if we get the “whats” right, if we don’t have the “how” and the “why” in alignment with love for God, people, and creation, we will find ourselves lost.

 

When we focus on how we live and what motivates us, then we are moving into a deeper relationship that God is asking us for. The “how” and the “why” make all the difference. How do we give? How do we show up? How do we care for others? How do we care for ourselves? How do we share our lives?

 

The answer to these questions will influence how people experience us, as well as how we experience the world. We all get so worried doing things right. Being right about everything. Saying the right things. What I hear in these scriptures is that we are free to put down the burden of getting all the “whats” right and focus on our relationship with God and with each other.

 

We are asked to live in a perpetual flow of love as Christians. This we cannot do by ourselves!

 

God’s love is your source of love that flows into the world. We love the world well with being loved well by God and letting it flow to others. We love the world well by entering into that flow of love and participating in that flow. We can perhaps open the spigot of our love for others a bit more by giving our time and gifts with a loving intention, in a loving way, just like our hero Wesley.

 

It seems to me we are being asked by God to let our hearts be filled with God’s love for us and the world and then for us to act accordingly. This is a big ask, imho. God is asking a lot. But love always asks a lot of us. Just ask Wesley. There were rodents of unusual size involved, quicksand, potions, and swordfighting.

 

The asks of love in our lives might also be big. It might feel like too much. But it’s not all up to us to do it alone. Call on God to help and guide you. Call on your faith community. Call of your friends and family. Together we can stay focused on the “hows” and they “whys” of all that we do for each other and in life.

 

 

AMEN